Watch out just before you get stuck in that relationship!

Tina is a very beautiful lady. She was orphaned quite early in life and so she ended up in Uncle Okey’s home where she grew up with his 4 children and their very mean mother. Her teenage/youthful years were spent in pains and sorrow arising from the maltreatment from her uncle’s wife. Her only comfort was the fact that her uncle ensured she got proper education up to university level.

Tina looked forward to graduation, service year, marriage and a happy future away from her uncle’s house. She met Joe in the university. He was a cool, calm, and handsome dude. He showered her with gifts, pampered her, and she fell hopelessly in love with him and was looking forward to a great future with him.

The D-day finally came. Oh! how happy she was! The wedding was the talk of the town. She finally bade her uncle and family goodbye as she stepped into the waiting car which was to take the couple to the airport for their honeymoon in Dubai. But just as she was bathing in the euphoria of a future with Joe, the telltale signs began to show forth. A week after their arrival at the hotel in Dubai, a little argument ensued between the lovebirds which culminated into series of battering. At first, Tina thought it could be the stress of the wedding preparations that brought the changed attitude, but months after months running into years of their marriage, the situation kept getting worse.

It dawned on her rather too late that she had married a monster! She realized, she has been in an abusive relationship! How could she have missed the signs? The signs were all there from the beginning of the relationship, sadly, she was too blinded by love to give it a proper thought!

The above paints the picture of many young and unmarried ladies. Every single lady out there has high expectations about the future and in the euphoria of falling in love with Mr. Right, might forget to look out for signs of abuse in their relationship.

What is Relationship Abuse?

It is said that when the purpose of a thing is not known, then abuse is inevitable. Hence abuse is generally defined as improper usage or treatment of a person or a thing. An abusive relationship thus connotes a misuse or maltreatment of a person one is formerly or currently having a relationship with. It reflects coercive behaviour from one person in order to maintain constant and unchecked control on the other person.

Types of Abuse in Relationship

There are various types of abuse. In relationships, abuse can be social, financial, physical, sexual or psychological /emotional. Now let’s look at them one after the other.

1. Social Abuse: Any behaviour or act from someone intimate which tends to cut you off from or prevent you from having contact with your friends, family, community, is referred to as Social Abuse.

2. Financial Abuse: According to Wikipedia, financial abuse refers to every form of abuse where a partner has control over access to financial resources, which then diminishes the victim’s capacity to support themselves and forces them to depend on the perpetrator financially. On the other hand, the victim could have own financial resources which the abuser has manipulatively put a control over hence you do not have full control over your own money!

3.Physical Abuse: Any intentional act which could cause injury, harm, or trauma to another by way of bodily or non- bodily contact is referred to as Physical Abuse. Simply put, it is using any form of physical force on one which could cause harm like slapping, choking, flogging..etc. Most physical abuse started from ‘just a slap’ and becomes more violent as time goes by. Physical abuse can have lasting effects on your mental and physical health. Mentally it can lead to depression, while health wise it could cause heart problems, high blood pressure and eventually, death.

4. Sexual Abuse: In the context of this writeup, sexual abuse is any form of indecent and abusive sexual behaviour perpetrated by taking undue advantage or by using force.

N.B. RubiesHub strongly advocate purity before marriage. Remember you are a Ruby, you are priceless!

5. Psychological / Emotional Abuse: As the name implies, this type of abuse is more psychological, subtle and might be difficult to recognize. Here the abuser uses your emotion to their own advantage by shaming, causing embarrassment, criticizing or manipulating in such a persistent and consistent pattern to wear down the victim’s mental health and self-worth.

Someone undergoing any one or more of these types of abuse will naturally give in to fear, timidity, shock and denial, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, isolation, mood swings, nightmares, loss of confidence and so on.

What to do if your relationship is becoming abusive

If you noticed any abusive signs in your relationship, what options are left for you?

*Talk to someone. An understanding friend, a psychologist, counsellor… Remember a problem shared is half solved.

*Know your worth and believe in yourself. Remember you are priceless!

*Exit the relationship and give yourself time to heal.

*Limit contact with your abuser and set proper boundaries

*lf you are in immediate danger, call emergency lines, the police or a Human Right body.

*ln case of sexual assault like rape, please get medical help.

There is a common saying that ‘a broken engagement/relationship, is better than a broken marriage’. Don’t stay put in an abusive relationship under the delusion that ‘he will change’. Take note, a man that has no respect, regard and consideration for your feelings, emotions, mental and general well- being when you are dating, will not miraculously change when you are married and stuck! So don’t be deceived! Marriage is lifelong, and you owe yourself happiness, peace of mind and above all your sanity!